


he's not me (run)

by Hugabug



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Episode: s02e15 A Problem of Memory, Gen, Implied/Referenced Torture, Murder, Other: See Story Notes, Stabbing, for further explanation, not graphically depicted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-12
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-12-01 02:05:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11476320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hugabug/pseuds/Hugabug
Summary: alternatively: I feel bad for the real Sebastian Verlac.





	he's not me (run)

**Author's Note:**

> the writing style of this is half-headcanon, half-fic so idk how to really describe it. hope you like it anyway!

He’d been missing for a year and a half, and probably tortured for just as long. His torturer is a broken man, all sharp edges and bottomless anger. He kept Sebastian as a punching bag, as a pet he could beat the living shit out of then  _iratze_  back into perfectly good shape only to start again. First, he did it to get as much information out of him as possible, then he did it because it was fun. Because it was fun to make this little goody-goody shadowhunter suffer. Because hurting someone physically was just boring– he had to break his mind, too. He had to make sure little Sebastian Verlac understands what it was like to be torn apart.

And Sebastian tried so very hard to escape. He was probably successful the first few times, only to be caught and punished again later. In between passing out and mind numbing pain, he did everything he could to not think about home. About his family, his aunt and his cousins. His sworn duty and his career. Instead, he let a mantra replace all those memories of laughter after sparing practices or secrets told in little alcoves around the Academy–  _I will not stop. I will live._  After awhile, it’s all that sustains him.

Then one day, his torturer comes back, walking through the door in Sebastian’s body, Sebastian’s blue eyes burning with uncharacteristic disgust and malice. He grabs Sebastian by the shirt, brings him close (Sebastian thinks he may never look at a mirror the same way again), and hisses; “Tell me every thing about your cousin, Aline–  _tell me or she dies_.”

And suddenly, the mantra that kept him alive changes–  _Aline. Aline. Aline._  His cousin. The whirlwind. The one who smiles like a ray of sunshine. The one whose eyes light up so easily with mischief.  _No. No. No._ ‘Don’t,’ he wants to say. 'Don’t you dare touch her.’

But he doesn’t. Instead, he lets himself think of home, of his aunt nagging him to eat breakfast, of his cousins and patrol partners teasing him and pulling him out of work to go drink at a local pub. He opens his mouth, and memories tumble out– summer in Alicante, Aline kicking his ass, Aline calling him boring, Aline standing so tall, telling him about Caroline, proud of herself despite the prejudice around her. His throat aches after awhile, a lump forming as he talks a mile a minute, and his torturer shakes him when he stops for a moment, the ache in his chest turning into a sharp, sharp pain.

“She likes indian food,” he rasps, tears blurring his vision. “She sometimes eats aloo paratha when she’s upset.”

His torturer lets him go and leaves, the door slamming behind him making Sebastian flinch. He gets up, his bruised muscles throbbing.  _Aline_ ,  _Aline_ , _Aline_ , goes his head, heart beating out a rhythm that makes terror grip at his lungs. His torturer is a broken, dangerous man, and he didn’t give his word that he would play nice. Aline Penhallow is his cousin, his family, a beacon of light every where she goes. Sebastian wants to see her again. Sebastian won’t allow Jonathan Morgenstern anywhere near her.

So he cuts through his bonds and limps across town as fast as he could. He remembers maps he memorized from his days in the academy, he makes his way across back alleys and over fences. His legs are shaking, and he’s dizzy, so dizzy with hunger, but he runs nevertheless.

_Aline. Aline. Aline._

When he sees her, he stops.

She’s got her back to him, but he can see the side of her cheek, her sleek black hair combed and neatly tied into place. She still stands so tall, back straight and shoulders set, and she’s talking to another shadowhunter girl. They’re laughing about something. Sebastian feels a smile tug at his lips. “Al–”

_I’m hom–_

But a hand clamps over his mouth before he can shout. Cold metal drives itself through his body before he can run. Searing pain courses through him, and his vision dims. Goes side ways.

When Sebastian Verlac hits the ground, everything is silent except for the ringing in his ears. He dies on the street, freedom just out of his reach and the last thing he sees is his cousin, oblivious to the danger she’s in.

 _No_ , he thinks, before his mind goes silent,  _Aline–_

 _He's not me_.

**Author's Note:**

> This is super indulgent I just wanted to explore real!Sebastian more. Unlike in the books, he actually had a relationship with his family and cared for them deeply (watch his face when Jonathan threatened to kill Aline). He's been missing for a year and a half. He must've missed them.
> 
> Hope Aline mentions him again. A brief moment of mourning before moving on. Just to tie some loose ends.
> 
> Please comment what you think. This part of the ep (plus the Malec one) hurt me a lot and I have no one to talk about it to :(


End file.
